Someone emails in late to work... and this is what happens...

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: Late This Morning

Morning John,

My apologies, I'm running late this morning and will be in the office ASAP.

Kind Regards,

Robert Frankhurst

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Rob,

It’s half ten – you’re supposed to be in at nine. An email an hour and a half after you’re supposed to be in is not good enough.

Call me when you get this.

Kind Regards,

John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Hey Boss,

Thanks for your concern! I'll be in ASAP and we'll look back at this and laugh as one of those "Remember when you emailed in saying you'd be late, well after the time you were late" moments... we'll bond, it'll be awesome.

Kind Regards,

Robert Frankhurst

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Call me right now

Kind Regards,

John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

John-Boss,

I'd love to, but I only have 750 free minutes per month and i think I only have 742/743 remaining... i'm keeping them saved up because one of my friends is on Who wants to be a millionaire and they may use their "phone a friend" on a question that requires me to recite the script of Disney's 101 Dalmatians 7.2 times.

YOLO!

Kind Regards,

Robert Frankhurst

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Call me right now, this is unacceptable… I just called your phone and your answer phone message MUST BE CHANGED. What if a customer calls you?!?

When are you coming in?

When you get here we need to have a serious conversation about your role here.

Kind Regards,

John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Boss-Dog,

Wowzers - so many questions, you're good at this! No wonder they made you Manager!

I am confused however, what's wrong with my voicemail?!?!(punctuation is fun)

"Please leave a message - please note I do not answer the phone, nor respond to Dicks"

has been a very useful message to convey on many occasions.

I'm literally coming in. My ETA is ASAP.

As for my role in the office, I was thinking i could play the role of "Akram the Philosopher" a kind but disfranchised wise-man. Strength 3, Intelligence 6.

​PS - Sorry for the late reply, I was thinking of words that rhyme with "Purple", do you know any? Sturple, Gurple and Murple aren't words i'm told...

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Rob,

Do not call me Boss Dog. Your behaviour right now is unacceptable. You’re still not in, over 3 hours late, you haven’t given me a good excuse and it doesn’t seem that you’re taking this seriously. I don't understand the philosopher thing, though I imagine it’s purile.

I’ve CC’d Andrew from HR as I’m officially moving for you dismissal, effective immediately.

You still need to come in whilst we deal with this issue and clear your desk until further notice.

Kind Regards,

John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Biggy-Boss-Boo,

Thanks for inviting Andrew to party. Andrew, welcome! Put your coat through there, help yourself to wine and dips...

BJ (Boss-John) - I was just in didn't you see me? I popped my head in and couldn't see you... by the way i'm currently dressed as Christian the intern and have his face... I've gone again now and will be in soon.

​I agree my dissmissal should be moving - perhaps you could have a violinist play something sombre?!>@!! (I don't understand the punctuation thing)

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Rob,

I’ve spoken to Andrew and we’ve agreed that your repeated lateness, the blasé nature of your emails are grounds to suspended your employment immediately until we can investigate further.

There is no need for you to respond, though I find your behaviour unprofessional and surprising for someone who has worked here for so long.

Kind Regards,

John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

John the Boss-ptiste (like Jesus' Friend),

How did you make your "e" wear a little hat? did you copy and paste blasé like i just did or are you some sort of "Word-Herder", able to bend the alphabet to your will. If i had your powers I would make the Letter Z friendlier and the letter R wear trousers... preferably Tartan. Can you help me with this?

I understand your comments about my behaviour, i was once surprised too = My neighbor fed some Caraway seed cake to chickens and it gave them the hiccups - TRUE STORY!

I'm sorry that it surprises you though, I was wondering if the constant lateness, banging my head on the desk and occasional weeping over my 15th cup of coffee for the morning had aroused your suspicion at all? I think it boils down to this...

I woke up early this morning and decided not to stretch my mouth around that big old corporate cock again. I've essentialy had a breakdown, but it feels liberating... like bearing your Junk to passing truckers in a brisk rain.

This "Break-Down" seems to have strangely coincided within 24 hours of winning a substantial sum of money from the lottery.

This will be my final email.

YOLO