Tuesday, 14 June 2016

A Letter To My Friends Across the Pond, and at Home...

(An open letter in the style of that ‘Spoken Word’ I hear so much about)



This is an open letter, to my friends across the pond,
Whom I love so dearly for your eccentricities and hyperboles
But now I fear, like the Hanging Pen of Damocles,
That a wrong X could mark the mightier spot... where a once great nation stood.
After it had done such good...


The battles that your nation fights, right now,
are much upon the world’s eye view.
The race is on, for red and blue.
And though I make no statement here,
For i’m not there, so that’s neither here nor there,
I must admit that “I a problem share”.


I hear the words, that are soon to be just recordings or an echo.
A Prime of many dimensions, in our opinion...
a jolly nice fellow.


I hear the voice of reason,
I hear the ever present care,
We hear, over here, from a man with Wisdom, sincere
And it seems abundantly clear...
What you face.


For we too face a question soon,
And fear the wrong X with it brings some histrionic doom.
We face the option of closing off our borders,
Like some plague ridden victim, too sick to be seen,
“We’ll sweat out the worst, and keep in the clean”.


Or keep the windows open for breeze,
And see if a little free, doesn’t half help us to breathe.

I’ve never had a problem in my life,
That wasn’t harder to solve without help.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t, but isn’t to refuse it
The very definition of to harm one’s self?


Well, My friend’s across the pond, let us be United,
For we are a Kingdom,
And you are a State,
But isn’t the whole point of this,
just because we’re different,
doesn’t mean that we can’t be mates?


From my experience it’s simple,
It doesn’t matter what Creed, Colour or Country,
What religion Which Race, which sex, gender or preference.
There are good people.
And there are F*********s

And wouldn't it be easy to say "the latter are usually rich people...
who are bringing drugs, they are bringing crime,
They are rapists... and some, I assume are good people.”


I hoist him, of course, on his own petard,
If you’re rich, i’ve no problem with you,
It’s just so easy to do, with such low hanging fruit.


He is a clown, we laugh we jest,
As quietly nod, the acquiescent rest.

We have those fools here, who stumble and fumble,
And speak in barking vomits of vitriol,
Peristaltically pushed through pinch-pursed visage.
And hide it all beneath this comedy image...
So, of what do the reporters make us aware?
Well, the greatest trick the Devil pulled,
Was making the world think he wasn’t there.


So my friend’s across the Pond,
Unite with us in doing right,
Don’t shut away, stay open-doored and coloured-bright.
Don’t laugh away the meaning of the words,
It de-fangs the beast, but not-declaws.
And when you step into that booth just pause...


Should we be United in both name and in deeds?
Should we not weigh holding onto long term good,
Against scrabbling at short term Greed?


Well, if you’re not bothered, either way,
Don’t you DARE not turn up that day.
What statement could you possibly have to make,
To cut the freedom from your life just to spite your fate?
There are countless graves of silenced-people,
Who gave life to lend volume to your voice.


Let It be heard.
Let it mean something.
Let it be good.



R
x

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

So this just happened...

I just received this email thread... for no apparent reason...


On Tue, Mar 3, 2015 at 11:28 AM, NAME REMOVED> wrote:
Hi ,

At this point there are no viewings booked for it but I would not be able to go there until I know for sure if she will fix it or not. As I can`t go and do a viewing and not be sure about it. The mould is spread on the wall of one of the bedrooms and from what I could tell there is a bit everywhere in the house . 

On Tue, Mar 3, 2015 at 11:23 AM, NAME REMOVED wrote:
Hi NAME REMOVED,

Can you confirm when the next lot of viewings are?

As this needs urgent attention in case it damages any of decor.

If its not any time soon we can make some alternative arrangements.

On Tue, Mar 3, 2015 at 10:10 AM, NAME REMOVED wrote:
Hi NAME REMOVED,

With regards to the mould in NAME REMOVED's property, can you please take photographs of the of this. 

This way we can show the Landlord how severe this is and keep her in the loop with the issues.

Also please try your best to contact NAME REMOVED and advise of the situation as soon as you can, we must try and keep her as happy as possible.

Kind Regards,

--
Name Removed
Property Managemen

 

Rentify
6-8 Long Lane, London EC1A 9HF


Here's my reply...


Hello,

I've no idea why I'm CC'd in this - don't get me wrong, I'm sorry to hear about the mould and I'm big believer in "Being the change you wish to see in the World" but I'm not sure how effective I'll be to anyone as I've no idea where the property is, I'm not involved in the property industry and being a 30 year old man - I'm allergic to any form of work that doesn't pay me money or give me huge boosts to my ego.

We had mould once, we bought a "Anti-Mould Spray" from the supermarket... I don't know what it is but I think it contains bleach... or magic... perhaps magic bleach?

In other news not all moulds are bad... Penicillin has done some lovely things, and this past Christmas wouldn't have been the same without that blue cheese - trust, it was sublime! It looked like this:-

In any case I wish you all the best with sorting the mould and arranging viewings, if it is London so I'm sure people will pay exorbitant fees for the pleasure of inhaling spores... perhaps tell them it's "Atmospheric", just show them the picture of blue cheese, they'll understand. You could even charge more!

It would be much appreciated if someone could remove me from the email thread from now on... and I'm fairly sure you're now included in that future appreciation.
Kind Regards,

Richard Bond
(​Nothing​ to do with this)

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Someone emails in late to work... and this is what happens...



From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: Late This Morning

Morning John,

My apologies, I'm running late this morning and will be in the office ASAP.

Kind Regards,

Robert Frankhurst

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Rob,

It’s half ten – you’re supposed to be in at nine. An email an hour and a half after you’re supposed to be in is not good enough.

Call me when you get this.

Kind Regards,
John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Hey Boss,

Thanks for your concern! I'll be in ASAP and we'll look back at this and laugh as one of those "Remember when you emailed in saying you'd be late, well after the time you were late" moments... we'll bond, it'll be awesome.

Kind Regards,

Robert Frankhurst

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Call me right now

Kind Regards,
John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

John-Boss,

I'd love to, but I only have 750 free minutes per month and i think I only have 742/743 remaining... i'm keeping them saved up because one of my friends is on Who wants to be a millionaire and they may use their "phone a friend" on a question that requires me to recite the script of Disney's 101 Dalmatians 7.2 times.
YOLO!
https://mail.google.com/mail/e/338

Kind Regards,

Robert Frankhurst

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Call me right now, this is unacceptable… I just called your phone and your answer phone message MUST BE CHANGED. What if a customer calls you?!?

When are you coming in?

When you get here we need to have a serious conversation about your role here.

Kind Regards,
John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Boss-Dog,

Wowzers - so many questions, you're good at this! No wonder they made you Manager!

I am confused however, what's wrong with my voicemail?!?!(punctuation is fun)

"Please leave a message - please note I do not answer the phone, nor respond to Dicks"

has been a very useful message to convey on many occasions.

I'm literally coming in. My ETA is ASAP.

As for my role in the office, I was thinking i could play the role of "Akram the Philosopher" a kind but disfranchised wise-man. Strength 3, Intelligence 6.

PS - Sorry for the late reply, I was thinking of words that rhyme with "Purple", do you know any? SturpleGurple and Murple aren't words i'm told...

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Rob,

Do not call me Boss Dog. Your behaviour right now is unacceptable. You’re still not in, over 3 hours late, you haven’t given me a good excuse and it doesn’t seem that you’re taking this seriously. I don't understand the philosopher thing, though I imagine it’s purile.

I’ve CC’d Andrew from HR as I’m officially moving for you dismissal, effective immediately.

You still need to come in whilst we deal with this issue and clear your desk until further notice.

Kind Regards,
John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Biggy-Boss-Boo,

Thanks for inviting Andrew to party. Andrew, welcome! Put your coat through there, help yourself to wine and dips...

BJ (Boss-John) - I was just in didn't you see me? I popped my head in and couldn't see you... by the way i'm currently dressed as Christian the intern and have his face... I've gone again now and will be in soon.

I agree my dissmissal should be moving - perhaps you could have a violinist play something sombre?!>@!! (I don't understand the punctuation thing)

From: John Cardwell
To:  Robert Frankhurst
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

Rob,

I’ve spoken to Andrew and we’ve agreed that your repeated lateness, the blasé nature of your emails are grounds to suspended your employment immediately until we can investigate further.

There is no need for you to respond, though I find your behaviour unprofessional and surprising for someone who has worked here for so long.

Kind Regards,
John Cardwell

From: Robert Frankhurst
To: John Cardwell
Subject: RE: Late This Morning

John the Boss-ptiste (like Jesus' Friend),

How did you make your "e" wear a little hat? did you copy and paste blasé like i just did or are you some sort of "Word-Herder", able to bend the alphabet to your will. If i had your powers I would make the Letter Z friendlier and the letter R wear trousers... preferably Tartan. Can you help me with this?

I understand your comments about my behaviour, i was once surprised too = My neighbor fed some Caraway seed cake to chickens and it gave them the hiccups - TRUE STORY!

I'm sorry that it surprises you though, I was wondering if the constant lateness, banging my head on the desk and occasional weeping over my 15th cup of coffee for the morning had aroused your suspicion at all? I think it boils down to this...

I woke up early this morning and decided not to stretch my mouth around that big old corporate cock again. I've essentialy had a breakdown, but it feels liberating... like bearing your Junk to passing truckers in a brisk rain.

This "Break-Down" seems to have strangely coincided within 24 hours of winning a substantial sum of money from the lottery.

This will be my final email.

YOLO
https://mail.google.com/mail/e/4F4

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

The Sound of Creation... Music as an aid to Creativity

Soul Singer...

It is a popular belief in science that people could sing before we could communicate through speech as we understand it today. Charles Darwin believed that we sang love songs to one another before we could articulate in any other form and more modern scientists such as Ani Patel of The Neurosciences Institute in San Diego have come to the same conclusion:-
"We feel music just taps into this kind of pre-cognitive archaic part of ourselves," he says. So it seems to make sense that music came "before we had this complicated articulate language that we use to do abstract thinking."
So if the purpose of creativity is to tap into the "inner child" or to reach down into some other deep concious, is music the way for us to access that ancient thought process? To get in touch with an older, more primal and natural way of thinking?

The Emotional Gamut...

The ability for music to inspire and lead our emotions has helped the Hollywood Film industry for decades, but it's this very ability to stretch and use our emotional pallet is the thing that opens us to creativity, that frees us to feel and experience things that are new and interesting.

The Guardian wrote an interesting article with a pretty cool playlist that's aimed specifically at people training in the creative industries.

Music Making Waves...

Music can cause a shift in brain waves, which in turn causes a shift in our state.  For example, certain types of music are known to create theta waves —and typically, peaks of creativity occur during times when we are experiencing theta waves. So besides anchoring yourself to music, you can actually use music to create physical changes:-
Ordinary consciousness consists of beta waves (14-20 hertz). Beta waves occur when we focus on daily activities in the external world, and when we experience strong negative emotions.

Heightened awareness and calm are characterized by alpha waves (8-13 hertz). Music with a pulse of 60 beats per minute can shift consciousness from the beta toward the alpha range.

Periods of peak creativity, meditation, and sleep are characterized bytheta waves (4-7 hertz).

Deep sleep, deep meditation, and unconsciousness produce delta waves (.5-3 hertz). So the slower the brain waves, the more relaxed, contended, and peaceful we feel.

In Summation...

Sometimes it's hard to keep the creative momentum going, or when you're busy being creative it's hard to think in different ways or along other lines.
Find a way of introducing music you're not used to listening to into your schedule, Youtube channels and Spotify are great tools for this.
Look for music which is going to help you get the brain waves going that you need to push your creativity in the right direction. Get those headphones on and get going!

Sunday, 9 March 2014

"The Double Edged Sword" - Creativity through Adversity

Blink, and you might myth it...

There is a fabulous Greek Myth about a strapping young lad called Sisyphus. Sure he was all about travel and commerce - but had this nasty habit of killing travellers and being a terrible liar (his lies were actually quite believable, he just did it often).
For this awful way of behaving, he was cursed with the task of pushing a boulder up a hill only to watch it roll down again... forever...

There are times when the creative task in front of us can seem like that steep and unforgiving hill, when being at the bottom with that heavy looking boulder can bring about panic, fear even... But if we're creative people then doing anything else will send us mad eventually - so how do we face this creative curse, this Double-Edged Sword?

Creative Eating

I'm not suggesting you tear down that canvass and have yourself a novel wrap, nor devise bold new ways to tackle that bolognese - but some foods have links to health and happiness and , in turn, creativity.

  • Avocados - filled with monosaturated fats (good fats!) and oleic oils
  • Blackberries - Filled with antioxidants (help prevent cellular damage) specifically in the brain area
  • Cinnamon - filled with lovely things I can't pronounce that help your blood and your brain
  • Leafy Greens - Fight the bad stuff and help you build the good stuff better... squeeky is good!
  • Water - Keep hydrated! A dehydrated brain is a lizard brain and creativity flows from the higher functions of that grey matter

To sleep, perchance to dream

There have been many studies into creativity and sleep has been the "glass half full" of the majority. Some say that plenty of sleep allows creativity, others that insomnia is the key component. Regardless of the studies, when you are well rested it is easier for you to attain a state of relaxation and this in turn leads to the 'open' state where creativity happens.
For some people, the sleep itself is the moment of creation. The song Yesterday came to Paul McCartney in a dream, Frankenstein was inspired by a dream that Mary Shelley had a Lord Byron's villa and Coleridge's seminal Kubla Khan came to him in a dream (albeit a drug induced one).
If you have trouble sleeping here's a few things that help:-
  • Read - This helps focus your mind on one thing rather than racing through the things that the day dumped on you
  • A pillow between the legs - This can help reduce discomfort and pain and allows the hips to attain a more natural position
  • Use a mask and/or Earplugs - shielding our eyes from the light and better managing the sound helps your mind relax and slip into that unconscious REM which brings deep sleep
For more information on how to sleep better, visit the SLEEP HELP GUIDE and read to your hearts content!

PART TWO TO FOLLOW

Monday, 3 February 2014

Part one: "Following the Big Footprints" - 3 Creative Giants and their Creative Process


How they did what they did...

There are a great many creative greats in various industries. But how were these people successful at what they set out to do? Well answering the success question is too subjective to cover here, but in any sector of the world where success is the end goal, tenacity will be a big factor.
However, when it comes to finding out how they went about doing what they did, we can look at processes - maybe even glean a little something for ourselves.

So - how did they do it?

1) Monthy Python

It would be remiss of me to exclude the Godfathers of sketch comedy from this list, the group for which we owe so much in terms of creativity in the modern world. Essentially the most successful group of professionals to ever do exactly what they were told not to, and break those preconceived barriers to incredible effect.

A) Establish rules
Well they broke them all, but found a way of working with one another to great effect. After having real problems with getting things started, it was agreed that anything was possible in a sketch, but they'd only work off a completed sketch idea in the first place. From that, the world was their oyster, but they need somewhere to start.

B) Meet, Sleep, Play
As I'll cover in another blog, creating to a fixed time limit in a fixed position with a group is not only very hard, but not a nice way to spend a day. The Pythons found that the best way of answering that question, or writing that joke was to meet up, ask all the questions then head off and play or sleep on the issue.
This lets those sub-concious gears turn and the areas where the unexpected leap from are reached.

C) Mind-dump alone, Mind-refine in groups
When coming up with multiple ideas, the Pythons would brainstorm ideas and create lists of concepts by themselves, these ideas would then be brought to the group and the creativity would begin. Birth an idea alone, then have the strength of character to bring that idea into an arena where it will be pulled apart, twisted and played with. By the end the team will have grown it into something very different, but in most cases much better.

D) Unleash that Inner Child
Children are both unaware of social formats of thinking and don't care if they get it wrong... longing to fit in is something we learn as awkward teenagers. Remember that creativity is best when experienced through a team remembering what it is to a be a child, unafraid and full of wild thoughts. This is usually where the magic happens.





Part Two: "Following the Big Footprints" - 3 Creative Giants and their Creative Process



2) Ernest Hemingway

Pulitizer and Nobel Prize winning writer Ernest Hemingway had a very specific process in his day-to-day writing. For him it was about consistency, control and a firm realisation of when he was doing what he needed to.

A) Know your Environment
Hemingway knew that it go to hot in the afternoons, and his mind would become sluggish so he would set himself a limit to be finished before 12:00 in order to make the most of his mind.

B) Set a realistic limit
His process is most famous for being consistent yet light in quantity. He would write around 500 words a day, knowing that it was better to leave a sentence unfinished and return to it with a fresh mind the next day. He did, however, push himself to commit to those 500 words every day. This is contrary to many people's process, who wait for that moment of inspiration and milk it.

C) Know when to stop
It was his belief that it was better to know when to stop, whether it be mid sentence or mid paragraph or midday, than plough on for hours on end and produce great swathes of mediocrity. He was quoted saying "I write one page of mastery to 91 pages of shit... I try to put the shit in the waste basket".